Gryffin.

Adam and I decided we were ready for a family in the summer of 2010. We had been married almost 2 years, and it felt like the natural next step. Everything Adam and I do begins with a discussion and a plan. We are not the type of people who let things go awry. After doing some soul searching and calculating, we decided that July would be my last pack of birth control.
      I will never forget the morning I found out I was pregnant, we had just moved back to Elberton the saturday before, due to circumstances out of our control, and we were pretty overwelmed. It was Tuesday, November 23rd at 10 am. I woke up and thought I might as well take a test because I had one pack left. I did the whole pee-stick thing, went and made some oatmeal, watched Will and Grace, then went back to check the test. Two pink lines! I remember bursting into hysterical laughter because of course I got pregnant just in time for everything to turn upside down. The next 8 months would be the worst and best of my life.
     We were faced with breaking our lease on our apartment in Athens (which cost a small fortune), moving back to our dinky house in Elberton, and completely remodleing the house to make it baby friendly. The loan process was stressful to say the least, and the actual construct was a disaster. If I knew what I do now then, I would never have put us through that. I would have left the house exactly the way it was and bought a chest to keep Gryf's clothes in. I wish more than anything I would have been allowed to enjoy my pregnancy the way I was supposed to.
     We had had a girl name picked out for months, and were having a terrible time coming up with a boy name. The week before our gender scan it just came to me out of no where, and I was so surprised I hadn't already thought of it! Adam and I became fast friends when I was a senior in high school and one of the key things that we bonded over was the Harry Potter novel series. It may seem silly to most people, but we both truly adore the books. Gryffin's name does come from Gryffindor, and we chose his middle to be Alaster because we wanted a strong traditional name.
     I went into labor with Gryffin on a tuesday morning. I woke up and knew right away that something was going on. I got our bags together, showered, did some laundry, and straightened the house up. Around 11am I laid down to time my contractions, they were only about 30 seconds long and 5-6 minutes apart. They were not bothersome at all at that point. I had my 38 week check up that day at 2:30. When the nurse checked my blood pressure she said she definitely thought I was in labor because my blood pressure was elevated (I had no addition pre-eclamptic symptoms so that wasnt really a concern). My midwife checked me and I was 3 cm and 75% effaced. She told me it was "pre-labor" and that I was definitely not having a baby today, I should go home and rest.
     We drove the 40 miles back home, all while my contractions were getting stronger and stronger. By the time we got to our house, I was in a fair amount of pain. I sat on the couch and started timing my contractions, now they were 1 minute long and 3 minutes apart, back to Athens we went!  Got to the hospital and was put in triage, and moved to a regular birthing suite by 9 pm. I had practiced physically and prepared mentally for a natural birth, I had my heart set on it. However, when I was hooked up to the monitors it became apparent that Gryffin was in distress. His heart rate was dropping with every contraction. Because of this, I had to lay on my left side and not move. That is not was I had learned to do. I was prepared to walk the halls, use a birthing ball, get in a warm tub, and squat to relieve the pain...not lay perfectly still in a bed. At 4 am on wedensday my midwife came in and told me she felt I had no choice but to receive the epidural and rest, because my labor was not progressing at all (which, of course it wasnt because I wasnt moving). I was now 18 hourse in and only 4.5 cm.
     I let her break my water, which was excruciating and led to my decision to get the epidural. Sitting on the side of the bed with my knees tucked up to my chest while enduring back to back chart topping contractions was the worst experience I can remember. After the epidual, I slept for 3 hours and woke up in a much better mood. Luckily, I never pushed the button that would give me more pain medication so by the time I woke up, the epidural was wearing off. I could feel the contractions again, I could feel that Gryffin had finally moved down and that it was time to push.
     My midwife came back at 8:05, told me it was time, and started to prepare the room. Gryffin was born at 8:42 am on Wedensday, July 20th, 2011. I am so thankful that the epidural was wearing off and that I was able to push instinctively. I have thought a lot about that night since, and I wish I had had the clear head and drive to request that I be allowed to get out of bed and try to force my labor to progress. I have carried immense guilt and disapointment about the decision to have the epidural. Next time I will know to trust my body and not be persuaded, I guess that comes with experience. Maybe next time I will be in a place where a home birth will be possible, or maybe at least a birthing center. I will have my natural birth someday!